well, the whole point of this article was to post my parable i am supposed to be writing for youth cuz i don't really know how to write it so my youth pastor told me to blog it. well to be honest i really don't know what my parable should be about. i mean i have an idea but i just don't know how to write it out. you see but there is another point to this article, and that is about my youth pastor and former youth pastor. which i really don't like reffering to my old youth pastor like that. anyhoo, the youth pastor i had had been the leader since the beginning, which i was there since the beginning, and he just really felt that he needed a break because his wife just recently had a baby and he has been realy sick and all that. so there was another couple that was looking to help with the youth and eventually become the new leader(s). but it happened faster than expected. i mean i think the change will be good because we will be challenged in our faith more, you see but i got connected to the old youth pastor. and it hurt to see him leave, and on monday night was the new youth pastor's first night teaching or w/e. well even that night i could sense the difference. in a way i don't like the change at all. but i know it will help the whole youth grow in our faith. it is just hard to explain the whole transaction and what effect it is having on me. things just won't be the way they were. and it makes me sad to think about it. so, lee, if you read this please know that i will terribly miss you, and luke, if you're reading this, please know i am overjoyed to have you and laura as our new leaders. i just have many mixed emotions right now. and i mean it makes life a little harder cuz i just found out that one of my  very best friends just recently told me that she has been a cutter for about a month. that really dug deep into my heart. so please keep me in your prayers throught this week. thnx a bunch!

Ok, so I know that quite a few people i know pretty personally read my blog... so it is sorta odd to write bout this topic I'm about to write about. But hey I'm an ordinary teenager. I think that every teen goes thru this phase! Ok, so I am 14 and I've never had a valentine before. Usually it doesn't really affect me, but when Valentine's Day comes closer and I see my friends and stuff that have valentines it gets to me. And it makes the whole situation oh so much worse when I like this guy and I like absolutely can't get him out of my mind!! You see and I am not sure if this guy likes me or not... I mean it would make my day if he did, but I mean at my youth group they talk about how you shouldn't date and stuff like that, but they (no offense to the leaders from my group that are reading this) have no idea what I feel about this dude!! And I know my limits and I sure hope that they don't think that I will let things get out of hand.... plus my parents have rules that wouldn't let anything happen. people say that at this age you can't know true love... well I am sorry to break their hearts but we can. Itz happened before. I won't use names, but if you could jump in my mind I really don't think you'd be sayin that we can't be in love.... cuz we can. I'm not quite sure how to end this one so all I can say is that I really want this dude as my first valentine!! haha!! lol!! peace out!

Ok.... well here's the deal, there is this kid at my school who is a pagon (so he says) and i have been prayin to god that He would give me some way to share god's love with this kid. well today it happened. in sixth period we were all waiting at the door waiting for the bell to ring so we could go home. and he was talkin to some other christian kid in my class and he was like 'dude you had a freakin bible verse on your shirt' so i was like 'so there's nothin wrong with that... it's all good' then we got into a conversation about god and all. then the bell rang and we were walkin and talkin together. he said he's a pagon and that idk something about how the christians took the pagon cross or somethin. then i got to my locker but i was like 'WAIT! come here for a sec.' so he came to my locker and he said that christian were all uptight about stuff and i told him that once you get to know the religion it isn't what you think it is now. it is actually pretty laid back. and i told him that a lot of people think that we are strict and all but i told him that wasn't true. so i then asked him if he'd ever try to go to church. and he replied with the answer that he had tried before but it brought back many memories and that there are very deep reasons that he doesn't go to church. but i know there is hope for him. so there is this kid that i go to his house on wednesdays for bible study and i told him to sit with me on the bus. i was so excited to tell him about the conversation i'd had with this kid. and the kid on the bus told me that the pagon kid (jacob) had tried to convert him (ian) to be his religion or whatever they call it. then ian told me that jacob told him once that he comes to school wasted like every morning and that every night he gets so high and drunk. it is very very hard for me to see someone living like that. i know that when me and ian (as a team sorta like) get this kid conviced that god is good and he should try it out that he will have a much better life. for now i just need to find more and more ways to minister to him. this is the second person this week that i've shared jesus with (all time record! lol) and i have been pumped about it!! the longing feeling to bring this kid to christ is so overwhelming and i have been searching for a way for so long and the energy that is in me to share god with him is burning in my soul waiting to be released.... and i know releasing it on him (not all at once cuz if you know me that wouldn't be good!! lol j/p!!) would be a good decision... i know there is hope... i won't let go of the attachment i just made with jacob today in our conversation. i am just going to work hard at making the attachment stronger. he needs a shoulder to lean on..... and if need be i will be that shoulder. he just needs some support here. i don't want him doin drugs and getting wasted every night like he his..... there is hope..... there is hope....... i won't give it up either.... i will press on!

I am so confused..... you see I go to a church on Saturdays and Mondays; another on Fridays and Sundays; and one on wednesdays..... A lot of people have told me I need to commit to one church.  Well I know that I can def. give up the one on Wednesday (tho it will be hard).  But to choose between the Saturday night one and the Sunday one is so hard. I feel that if I leave the one on Saturdays that things will just go wrong. But I can't exactly not get involved at the one on Sundays cuz I kinda have to go there each week... and I am beginning to make a lot more friends there.  I think I am leaning to devoting myself to the one on Sundays but I still need God's clarification.... why can't life be easy? Well, if everyone could just pray for me that would be very helpful..... thanks for your time! :)

one of my very best friends is moving to Florida. we have gone to school with each other since kindergarten and i am in 8th grade and this may be her last year.  we are in band together with this other girl. i am first chair she is second and the other girl is third. we are like the 3 stooges... without one it isn't funny. we constantly laugh when we're together! we have made so many memories and now she's leaving. the only other time my best friend moved away was in 2nd grade. this will hurt more than ever tho. i don't know if i'll ever see her again or what. i really don't want her to move. every time i think about it, it makes me cry. one of the memories i will never forget is a couple of weeks ago we stayed after school for pep band and so we went to the gas station. well we put our money together and bought skittles and a 1/4 thing of chocolate milk. we got 3 straws and on the walk back to the school we tried to drink at the same time then we all started laughin and we thought we were gonna pee our pants! it was so funny!! then we went to this kid's dad's showing from school, and on our way out to the car she spit her gum in the sueage thing and made it thru. so i tried to spit and i missed and it hit the bar! we really almost peed our pants! this year has been so much fun... now she is movin to florida. i am really sad, so if ya'll could just pray that i would get over this (or that she wouldn't move :)  that would be awesome!! well thanks for your time!!

well, christmas is over now so we have to say 'buh-bye' to it for now!! :)  now all the little kids that get oh so excited at christmastime to open gifts now have to wait 365 days!! :(  i had a lot of fun! ya know the thing that gets me in my family? ok, on my mom's side we are all strong christians... but on my dad's side not my whole family is a strong christian. ya they say they belive in christ, that's only cuz the rest of us do. but at my gma's house (my mom's side) when she prays she always starts to cry while praying cuz she is so thankful for her family and there is lotz of meaning behind it... yet when we go to my dad's side when we pray for the food and all, we just close our eyes and pray. the prayer has no meaning to it. we usually say thanks for the food and that He could bring us together for christmas. i don't understand how we can just go on like that. like one of my dad's sibling's family belives in christ but doesn't pursue a life of god. and i talked to my aunt about it cuz she is a strong christian, every time we see them the only way they hear about god is during prayer time. what is that gonna do for them? i know that the prayer won't hit home for them and they accept christ. i am like siked about my faith and it just kills me to see them live like they do. there are so many problems that could be solved instantly if they had jesus. and on that side of the family there is so much corruptness. i mean for example, yesterday when we were there for christmas me and my cuz were sittin there and like all the adults were talkin about nasty stuff and they were all laughin. then my mom was like 'you guyz should leave' which made me very mad cuz she knows that everytime a conversation like that comes up i get offended and mad that they are talkin about it. why did me and my cuz have to leave? they coulda simply stopped talkin about it and it woulda been much much better. then the conversation was over and one of my aunts was like 'i bet you don't laugh at this stuff at your mom's house do you shelly?' (shelly is my mom) and my other aunt was like 'are you kidding me? nettie (my aunt) would have a fit. she would be like 'oh, cover your ears boys'' and it made me mad cuz they didn't take into consideration what i thought. it happened another time when i was at my gma's computer and my aunt and uncle were at the table with some friends and my aunt was a little drunk and she started cussin and my uncle told her to stop cuz i was in the room, then she said it didn't matter it was just me. i started cryin but didn't turn around so they could see. i was mad... she didn't give a rip what i thought or anything. it makes me so mad. so just pray that it would get better.

today is my 14th birthday! i am so happy!! tomorrow i am having a party! it is gonna be lotz of fun!! this morning my dad was tellin me how he can see the gifts god has given me and that i am a great encourager! it was pretty cool!! then when i got to skool i went with my friend to put birthday signs on my locker and when we got there my other friend had already put signs up!! and like all day long people (a lot i never even talk to) said happy birthday!! and in band we had a sub, and at the beginning of class these two guys started the class in happy birthday. then the sub had the class play happy birthday 2 times, and then the class sang again!! and since i forgot to do my math homework while they were singing and playing to me i was not really paying attention and i was doing my homework!! it was lotz of fun!! i luv birthdays!!  the set up for this article is messed up sorry!

sometimes i feel that people take sides. people who i thought were great friends and people came out to be side takers. i had a concern for a friend of mine so i sent him a 4 page letter tellin him what i thought. then i asked somebody else about it and they told this guy's dad and so this guy's dad sent me an email tellin me he was disappointed in me. the retarded girl i talked to started tellin people that i was judging and that it wasn't the 'christian' thing to do. and the guy's dad said that too. then the guy's dad told me that there was a lot of gossip going on at my church (which they had left)... what the crap is everyone doing?? they are tellin me not to judge and i'm not!!!! they are sayin that it isn't the 'christian' thing to do!! they don't have room to talk cuz i am sure they have done the same thing.  but thing thing that really made me so mad was in the email this kid's dad sent me it said 'you shouldn't go to his friends if you have a problem w/ him... you should go to him directly, that is what the bible teaches us' WHAT THE CRAP!!?? i sent him a letter tellin him that!!! i wasn't goin to his friends. i was just askin his friends somethin!!! aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  so now they are saying things that aren't true and gettin people mad at  me.   it is so gay!! this girl doesn't even know the whole thing then she is goin around tellin people the wrong info of what i'm doin... better yet it is the stuff she is doing. i am just so mad!!! it would not be pretty if i let my rage inside me go free rite now.  just plz pray for me and that my anger would be set free (w/o affecting n e one else) and that it would just be taken away...